Open Mic Poetry at Ras Lounge

So here I am checking out Marvin's open mic night here at this little place on Georgia avenue called Ras Lounge. Actually its bigger than what I expected on the inside. The place has a nice sized bar and lots of artifacts from jamorck... Jamaica Mon... along with African masks and drums, and a portrait of Bob Marley and Halle Selassie. 

I wish I had the funds to check out the food.  Maybe next week.  However they do have drink specials every day and boasts the longest happy hour around. 

The hostess is pretty in her all natural state. And Marvin... still Marvin, only older.  I wonder where his girl at?

I think they have the the mic up and in sync with the live band.  So far it is a small crowd here.  I'm trying to stick around to see who will get on the mic.

I will snap some pics for the collection.

Is playing the field the norm?

<p>I had high hopes for 2012 in the romance department , but it's pissing me off. All I can say is what the hell is wrong with the men in this area.&#160; Now don't get me wrong, I have ran into some nice guys that are full of potential.&#160; But with all their plusses, they have baggage.&#160; When I say baggage, I am referring to their marital and field status. Either the dude is married, have their crew of women that stays in rotation, or have this issue of commitment because some other woman fucked him over - royally. </p>
<p> I don't want.to be part of anyone rotation of chicks that he can have anytime he wants.  I don't want to be the rebound chick that 'rescues' you from your failing marriage or long term relationship only to be dumped when you either upgrade or decided that the green grass on the other side was astroturf because I was more than you could handle.

I just want someone that is interested in getting to know me and not all my Facebook friends.  One of my friends wanted to put me down as one of his "ride or die" chicks, where it is a group of them that he has sex with.  Really?  I don't want to compete for your affection, much less your dick.  I don't want to be the rebound chick for no married man that is unhappy with their wife and their home life.  If it is so damn miserable, then get a divorce.  Hell that is what I did. 
</p>
*Sighs heavily* well I guess I will be single for a little while longer, because I refuse to settle for anything less. 

Happy Birthday Fat Bastid

Well today is my ex-husband's birthday.  As most people may recall, I don't call him by his government name or his nickname from college.  I call him Fat Bastard, named after Austin Powers' nemesis.  I can give a whole book of reasons, but I am not going there today.  

Today marks a day where I actually feel 'slightly' sorry for the poor bastard.  He never lived up to any expectation that he set for himself.  He was too busy on how to circumvent the system to make himself look bigger and better than what he really was.  He wanted to go into the Air Force but couldn't get his weight down.  He wanted to become a lawyer so that "he can become a better crook". He tried to bribe me not once, but twice to be him and take the LSAT (Lawyers SAT).  When I refused, he accused me of not backing him up.  When I tried to go back to get a certification at the local college, he called me everything but a child of God.  He painted this picture of me as a red-haired harlot that slept with half of the Triangle (Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, NC).  While I may be red-haired, he seeded the Triangle and the Triad.

Some of his friends are on my Facebook page.  I think his brothers are on my 'clean' page.  They might run tell that, they may not.  At this point I don't care.  Want to know something funny? I actually chuckle at the fact that he has my nickname tattooed on his arm, although he will NEVER admit to it.

Music and Me

I love music.  That is about as simple as it gets.

Growing up, I was exposed to several genres in the small Capital Hill row house that I share with my parents, 2 sisters, 2 aunts, and a cousin.  From Motown to Stax, to Millie Jackson to Mahalia Jackson, I was subject to it all.  Each room I would walk into, a different type of music was being played at any given time.  The icing on the cake was watching Soul Train Every Friday at 5PM.  If I wasn't home, I would make up excuses to get to a TV set to watch.  

Along with the exposure, I was taught at an early age to "learn what you are listening to".  The message means that along with bobbing my head to the beat, learn what the artist is talking about.  So with each song that came on the radio, it became a scramble to figure out what the artist is singing about.  Not only would I learn the lyrics, I would even attempt to sing and play the song by ear by picking it out on the piano.  With me being hearing impaired, it is a constant struggle to get the lyric right, much less trying to perform.  But I dared myself, and I soared.  I impressed my music teachers, especially the ones that didn't know about my hearing loss.  

I may have stopped playing and singing, but my love of music has never wavered.  

Modern Day Matchmaker: 12 Signs You're Not Ready for Marriage

Modern Day Matchmaker: 12 Signs You're Not Ready for Marriage
By Paul Carrick Brunson

Engagements aren't having the best year. Last week Vivica Fox called off her engagement and it's rumored that Jennifer Hudson and David Otunga could be headed for splitsville. Basketball Wives stars Gloria Govan and Matt Barnes even ended their lengthy engagement for a second time last month.

The truth is, marriage may not work for everyone and sometimes the time just isn't right. For many, this is a difficult statement to accept, however, when we don’t acknowledge the truth and blindly enter matrimony, the effects can come back to bite all of us (in some cases a broken marriage = broken children = broken community). I’m convinced that a significant reason for the looming divorce rate (of approximately 48%) is due to one simple reason; many of us marry when we’re not ready.

The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to preempt it because once a marriage is broken it is very difficult to restore. Since prevention is better than a cure, it's important that we recognize how to identify if we’re ready for marriage in the first place.

The following are 12 signs that a person is not ready for marriage. I ask that you read and share. Of course, if you feel I missed any vital signs, please include them in the comments below.

You're More Concerned With the Wedding than the Marriage

Often, more time is spent preparing and agonizing over the wedding details than actually considering the marriage. If you know more about the flowers at your upcoming wedding than you do about your partner’s debt situation, marriage ain’t for you.

The Trust Isn't There Yet
Trust is critical. However, I find that some people don’t believe it’s possible to “fully” trust anyone, let alone a future spouse. If this is your challenge, you’re setting yourself up for a tumultuous relationship. Trust is belief in one’s integrity. No relationship can survive without trust.

You Can't See Yourself Parenting Their Child
When you enter a relationship with a single parent, you enter a relationship with their children, as well. I've heard countless stories of people saying “I love the person but just don’t love his/her kids.” This unfortunately is an unworkable situation. Children are not accessories to be included or not, they are a permanent part of the equation.

You Haven't Been Dating for Long
This is one category where statistics speak volumes. Most studies show a clear distinction in the divorce rate based on the number of years a couple dates. If you date and get married in less than two years, divorce rates are measurably higher than dating and marrying with more time under our belt. An interesting twist to these studies is dating too long before getting married has negative consequences, as well (anything over five years has high divorce rates).

Your Vitals Aren't Strong
If you’re headed to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, I call this settling. Relationship vitals are your values, personality type, and non-negotiables. These are all categories you should know and never amend for anyone. Your vitals are so important because the key pillars to a successful relationship are communication and conflict resolution. Met relationship vitals give you the optimal chance to exchange ideas and work through problems, when they arise.

You're Not Ready for Compromise
The pastor that counseled my wife and me before we got married told us something we’ll never forget – “You can’t have a successful relationship (romantic or platonic) unless you have a willingness to compromise.” When times get tough, there is one of two ways we react. Either we become selfish and focus on self or we become selfless and focus on our loved ones. If you (or they) are the former, marriage is not the right move.

You're Being Pressured
Are you getting married because of threats or ultimatums? If this is the case, you shouldn't be getting married. Marriage should be entered by the free will of two people who love and respect one another. If you’re being pressured to get married, it’s time to reevaluate the basis of the relationship.

You Don't Speak Their Love Language
I've often said Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” is the bible of relationships. In it, he paints a very compelling argument that an inability to speak or receive the love language of your partner is a recipe for disaster. Not giving love in a language they understand or receiving love in your language means you and your partner may never truly feel love.

You're Not Sexually Attracted to Each Other
Plain and simple, he can be the most wonderful guy in the world, have the potential to set the record for best husband and father on the planet, but if you’re not sexually attracted to him, your relationship will go south quickly.

You're Battling Addiction or Mental Health Issues
Pathology is something that does not get enough attention when we talk about relationships. Nearly 20 million people in the U.S. suffer from negative pathology. This means one in 25 people will have the disorders associated with ‘no conscience’ which include antisocial personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Bottom line is that a healthy mind is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship.

You're Investing More than You Can Afford to Lose
The joining together of two people is also the joining together of two families and circles of friends. Social tension is often cited as a top reason for divorce. You must ask yourself “at what cost am I in this relationship?” If you have to give up your friends, or family, the cost is too high. Reason being, if it all falls apart, you’ll be both emotionally and socially bankrupt. Like Dr. Phil said, “it is better to be healthy alone, than sick with someone else.”

Your Mind Still Wanders
If you’re apprehensive about marriage because you feel that someone better (looks or general attributes) could be around the corner, marriage ain't for you. When you get married, you should feel confident that the person you’re meeting at the altar is the best for you and life without them is imaginable.

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2011/11/08/modern-day-matchmaker-12-signs-youre-not-ready-for-marriage/#ixzz1oM1NctNm

Modern Day Matchmaker: Are You Dating a Boy or a Man?

I thought that this was a really good read, and made some really valid points....

Modern Day Matchmaker: Are You Dating a Boy or a Man?
By Paul Carrick Brunson

Sometimes, ideas for posts come to me in conversation, sometimes based on what I read, and others I'm inspired by the real situations my clients are in. But believe it or not, my all time favorite source for ideas is Twitter. I find the social media platform to be the best pulse to find out what’s of interest in our lives.  

Ive seen a lot of chatter on Twitter about people's opinion on the difference between a boy and a man. I wasn’t compelled to respond until I saw several tweets articulating age as an important factor. While I believe age is part of the equation, let’s be clear: not every boy becomes a man.

Here are the top seven differences between boys and men. Ladies, listen up.

Does He Have Goals?
“The man is aiming at a goal; the boy is drifting aimlessly.” — Author Unknown

How Responsible Is He?
Men make and keep commitment, boys don’t.

What Does He Call You?
Boys want a “wifey”. Men want a wife.

Can He Communicate?
A boy tells you about his day. A man will ask you about yours, and listen.

Does He Accomplish or Destroy?
Boys consume. Men produce.

Can You Trust Him?
You can put your trust in a man. Your trust is always lost with a boy.

Does He Know Who He Is?
Boys dress, talk, and act like everyone else. Men emulate no one.

Does He Want to Stimulate His Mind?
Men are never afraid to ask questions. Boys think they have it all figured out.

What Are His Beliefs?
Boys believe nothing is greater than themselves. Men believe in a higher power.

Is He Serious About His Future?
Boys chase girls and women. Men chase family.

Does He Pick Up the Phone?
Boys send text messages. Men call.

What Is His Purpose?
Boys exist in stagnation. Men embrace change.

Does He Have Baggage?
Boys have liabilities. Men possess assets.

How Does He Handle the First Date?
Boys split the check. Men pay.

How He Handles Adversity?
Boys become selfish. Men are selfless.



Read more:
http://www.essence.com/2011/10/25/modern-day-matchmaker-how-to-tell-if-youre-dating-a-man-or-a-boy/#ixzz1oLwwFMmN

Season of Rain

This year has taught me a lot of things, and I was both humbled and grateful.   I accept everything that happened to me in 2011, and have no regrets about it.  There is a reason that I went through the burning sands in 2011.  The struggle is going to make me stronger.  The changes will be coming in 2012.  A fresh start awaits me.  A new day has begun.   I have learned more about me this year than any other year in my years on this side of the dirt.  This year, I have learned what made me tick, and learned to stop holding my tongue (like I ever stopped in the first place).

This year, 2011, was my season of rain.  In 2012 my earth will harden under my feet and I will be standing on solid ground.  If you loved me, I loved you.  If I was your friend or family, then I will continue to be the same person.   If you talked about me, good or bad, I see it as free publicity.  If you hated me, you probably didn't understand me or didn't take the time out to get to know me.